


Ghost

by sailorhalsey



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depressed Steve Rogers, M/M, Sadness, bucky gets his memories back, mentions of peggy carter - Freeform, not all tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-06 03:54:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4206981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorhalsey/pseuds/sailorhalsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As I look back at the past together with him, suddenly he starts to disappear. Maybe he never really existed."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Searching

Steve had been in the training room watching natasha throw knives at a practice dummy while agents went about. sometimes they'd stay and gawk and the two. neither cared nor noticed.

steve looked out the window and saw snow fall. winter, it used to give him happiness. now he felt the cold. thinking back to when steve last saw bucky three months ago he tried his hardest to seem fine. His heart was hungry for love from one person.

"something wrong cap?" Natasha asked while twirling the weapon in her fingers.

"No." He lied and avoided eye contact with the Russian.

she lowered the knife and stared at him. Both knew that wasn't the truth but said nothing.

Bruce Banner suddenly walked in the room with Tony Stark.

"Nat we need you to check out these new weapons we designed just for you." Bruce calmly announced.

Tony jogged around the room and punched everyone on the shoulders playfully then ran out.

"I'm sorry about him guys I really don't know what's up with him lately" Bruce apologized sympathetically as he walked out the room of agents and two avengers.

Natasha put the knifes back on a tray and waved goodbye towards steve and followed the scientist.

Steve waited until they where out of the hallway so he could walk to his room.

Once he was there he locked his door and sat on his bed. He pulled out a box from under his bed. It had been items Peggy saved when he was in ice as memories. When they met again after steve was okay knowing what year they were in, she gave him everything she saved of him. It contained a picture of the two and three pictures of him and bucky. He held those against his chest and whimpered. Then began to sob quietly. He was too sad to be embarrassed if someone had caught him crying.

He looked at one of the pictures and smiled remembering the memory.

Bucky and steve were racing to a new ice cream shop that had just opened up. Although Steve hadn't been given the serum yet he was still fast. But not athletic. Athletic was Bucky. When the two ended the race with a tie the both paid for each other's ice cream and a mutual friend passing by decided to take the picture. Both argued on who kept it but steve couldn't say no from bucky's gorgeous face much longer and kept it. He cried harder but still made no noise.

"Bucky, what happened to you?" He begged to know.

He put the picture behind the other two and stared longingly at the next. The picture was the two cuddling and cafuné; a week before bucky became the winter soldier. Three weeks before although, much to Peggy's help, the two accepted their feelings towards the each other. They both knew that the world they lived in that didn't love the two for who they were. Peggy, a dear friend to their hearts helped them realized that it was only the beginning and soon people would love them and accept them.

Steve didn't even dare to look at the last. Why should he? He was already in pain and missing the saudade of Bucky's presence.

✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫

Nostalgia.

Seeing bucky again was pure nostalgic. The worst part? Bucky was fine.

He was mentally stable.He didn't need Steve's help. Not at all.

"Hey Steve, long time no see huh?" Bucky put his hand out like if they had not known each other. Like they had no history together.

It took the blonde a moment to compose himself instead of staring longingly at the hand.

"Hey...bucky. really good to have you back." He smiled softly at him.

"Great to be back. I got a haircut just to feel like my old self." He grinned from ear to ear.

It seemed as if the two had been playing a staring contest.

"Rogers we need your help" called a voice that made steve whimper yet thanked.

"I guess i better go..." He trailed off yet staying still.

"I guess so" bucky replied not moving either.

It took a tug for the captain to actually look away and walk.

'Oh please God! Don't let this be another dream' steve prayed.

✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫

That was two weeks ago.

Currently the two had been watching a movie with Clint and Natasha in steve's room. Steve wasn't paying attention like everyone else. He had still yet to ask Bucky if he remembered their old relationship.

Once the movie had finished Nat quickly dragged Clint out the room right away. "wellwebettergettobedgoodnight." she said as she ran out leaving the the boys confused and alone.

"She's kinda weird." Bucky laughed awkwardly.

"Yeah but she's kinda like Peggy, at times." Steve assured.

"Speaking of pegs, where is she? I miss the doll" he questioned.

Steve stiffened "she uh, she passed a few months back."

"Oh I'm sorry steve." Bucky patted his back in pity.

Steve was confused to say the least why he acted like she was anybody.

"Yeah...she was a very good friends of us both. Do you...remember?" He hesitated.

"Well sorta, i remember we always hanged out with her but some people told me she was your girlfriend?" Buck confirmed.

Steve felt his throat go dry.

'girlfriend? Does he...does he not remember?' Steve began to panic.

"Um actually she was just a best friend."

"Oh."

Oh indeed.

'Should i show him the pictures?' He questioned himself.

"Um, i have some pictures of us, would you like to see?" He asked.

Bucky nodded enthusiastically.

Steve rushed to get the box und his bed.

He sat again but closer. First he gave him ice cream photo.

Bucky smiled widely.

"Oh i remember this! This is the day our favorite ice cream shop first opened up." He stated happily.

Steve wondered if he should show the rest. Instead he did something bold.

Steve flashed his eyes at Buck's lips; slowly lent in hoping he would get the message.

He did.

But sadly not the results he wanted.

"Woah woah woah! Steve i uh." He stood up quickly.

'Oh no oh no oh no. What had i done?!' Steve worried.

"I'm like uh, i guess "okay" with you if you're well yanno, but I'm not...like that?" he asked in voice like a question.

"Yes...you are. Well were" steve stumped his shoulders and gave him the other two pictures.

Bucky stared at the photos. He couldn't believe his eyes. He was starstruck.

"i gotta go." Was all steve heard before a door closing.

'Oh God! What just happened?'

He grabbed the tightly photos. He thought of ripping them up when he saw the first and last were missing. He looked around until he realized bucky had taken them. Was he going to show everyone and laugh? Or try to bring that side of him back? Steve tried not to cry again.

"My ghost, where'd you go?"


	2. The Look Of Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What's a night? What's a day?  
> What's a year without you, babe?  
> When I got a whole life of love at stake?" Steve rolled over and murmured into Bucky's chest; he felt a kiss on the top of his head and closed his eyes again.

Steve was sitting with Natasha and Sam, drinking the night away. They had just come back from a mission against hydra. Steve seemed out of focus the entire mission yet no one said anything. Now it seemed something was haunting him. Nat badly wanted to ask, was it her fault? Months ago, had she tried too hard to play matchmaker and failed? She couldn't look him in the eye and take another swing.

"Guyssss let's let's play a game! A drinking game!"

"You're already way to drunk to be playing any games Wilson."

"No you're wrong Cat! I mean Mat? No, Nat! *giggles* okay maybe i am a little itsy bitsy drunk *hiccup* g-guys im gonna sleep...anywhere..." Sam stumbled away. Leaving Nat to chuckle to herself. She looked over to Steve and saw him in so much pain than ever. Her guilt grew worse and worse. Steve had been rethinking over and over a flashback of when he and Bucky were young, dating, and in madly love.

"Promise we'll be together even after the war? No matter how bad things get?" An insecure pre-serum Steve begged."

"Of course baby, nothing could tear us apart." A confident Bucky assured and embraced him while rocking the two.

Steve was so caught up in his daydream when suddenly he realized Natasha was talking to him.

"Pardon?" He asked head still in a daze.

"I said 'I'm sorry', okay?" She mumbled avoiding his confused look.

"What are you sorry for?" he croaked.

"I feel like you're depressed because of me. I'm sorry about that night...I pushed you at the wrong moment with him. I should've let you two get more comfort."

"It's not your fault, i should've told you; after you left he denied us and took some stuff of m-er-well our stuff but...I haven't talked to him and Bruce told me Coulson took him away or something like that." He chugged his drink from the bottle. Nat cleared her throat and continued drinking. Suddenly they heard a thump and Sam's groans. 

Natasha stood "I'll g-".

"As I look back at the past together with him, suddenly he starts to disappear. Maybe he never really existed."

She stared him, once again analyzing everything about him before continuing; "I'm gonna check on him and then go to bed, goodnight Steve." She gave him a hug and walked away. As she walked out she nodded to Bucky, Steve was unaware she planned once more for them to rekindle. She prayed Steve was going to be true to his feelings with him as he was with her.

"Actually, *clears throat* when i look back to the past of us, I start to remember...everything." A voiced breathed down Steve's spine. Steve quickly sobered up and whipped his head so quick it could've snapped his neck.

"Bucky." He whispered with wide eyes. 

Bucky stepped closer and smiled until it twitched into a frown. "Look, I'm real sorry about how I freaked that night, I...I didn't know, when they found me, they never told me about us, they told me you and Peggy were a thing." He stammered and Steve put his forefinger on his lips to shush him.

"Who are 'they'?" He asked.

"Some agents who found me." Bucky confirmed. Steve pondered if he should bring up that he searched day and night for him with Sam and Nat's help. But instead he nodded and walked around trying his hardest not to pounce on the brunette and make out with him. The air was thick with silence until the two finally locked eyes and shared with each other the look of knowing. Knowing they both desperately needed each other. Badly.

✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✫

Steve was sleeping and was going to turn on his other side when suddenly he couldn't. His eyes jolted open and he was about to attack whoever had their arms around them until he heard a low chuckle.

"Relax Stevie, it's just me. Remember when we used to do cuddle all the time when we had the chance? You used to be the little spoon but it's a little harder now." Steve heard behind his back. He smiled at his memories of a couple hours ago and what Buck had been talking about. The night before was only the beginning of more to come.

"What's a night? What's a day?  
What's a year without you, babe?  
When I got a whole life of love at stake?" Steve rolled over and murmured into Bucky's chest; he felt a kiss on the top of his head and closed his eyes again.


End file.
